Looking back at this blog, I feel like I’m prancing around hollering about how great I am and how everything in my life is absolutely perfect. But honestly, who wants to read a blog like that? We can just read our social media feeds if we want to see nothing but successes & triumphs and people bragging about how awesome their lives are. I think it’s important to take some time to look at what might not be going so fantastic and reflect on it.
I’ve been feeling a bit tired lately. Not necessarily sleepy-tired, but just a lack of motivation to do things. I’d taken a couple weeks off of exercising, so I’m going to blame it on that. I’ve driven the 25 minutes down to the ranch and then just sat there and looked at my horse in her pen — unable to muster the energy to take her out and ride her. I’ve canceled more than one spin class an hour before because I decided I just didn’t “want to” go. I’ve been having a hard time waking up in the morning, sleeping in right up until it’s time to work. I know I need to get my ass in gear, so that’s my mission this week. But I’ll be damned if I want to do anything but sit on my ass all the time.
I’ve been eating too much of it. Seriously. Between vegan desserts & donuts, Starbucks soy chai tea lattes, 7-11 Slurpees (it’s been fucking hot out, okay?). Maybe my general feeling of exhaustion is related to this? I know I need to back the hell off of the sugar kick, but it tastes so gooooood. Along with this, caffeine. I drink too much of it between coffee & tea and I should really cut back. Or maybe not. Who knows. We gotta have SOME vices right?
I’m not entirely happy with my horse situation. Not her specifically, she’s great. But I made the decision to move to a trail boarding stable and I had a great few months of trail riding. But now I’m kind of bored of aimless trail riding and I want to hit the arena again and work on things. And I don’t have a trainer at my current stable. Also, I don’t like the riding arena much at my current place. It’s small and the footing is poor, and it’s not dragged daily. I’ve also not really made many friends, and now that my best friend doesn’t have a horse there to ride — I find that I’m alone on Saturdays which is my normal horse day. I’m sure this will resolve itself, and in fact I already have plans in the works, but right now I feel bummed out about things.
Mo Money, Mo Problems:
September first brings around the beginning of a new attempt in being an adult: following a budget. My husband and I are notoriously bad at spending & saving, but we know we’ve gotta start getting in gear. We sat down with Mint.com and budgeted, and it’s scary how much of our income is actually already allocated to paying various bills. Between our mortgage, student loans, car payments, horse expenses, fitness memberships, groceries, gas, utilities, cell phones, we really don’t have much leeway left over. This scares me because it leaves me feeling unsafe in terms of financial comfort — what if I lose my job? What if he loses his job? What if I get pregnant and I don’t get maternity leave because I’m a contractor? What if our roommate decides to move out? What if other horrible things happen? We have significant savings right now, but I’m getting Lasik at the end of the month which costs quite a bit. I just feel insecure financially even though we make great money. Ugh. And I feel privileged and shitty for even complaining about this while some people can’t even afford to eat. But shit, I’m being honest here.
That’s basically it right now, aside from things I’m not comfortable talking about on a non-anon blog. Overall, my life is just fine. Things are happening, things are moving forward. I think incoming change is scaring me into feeling less secure, but maybe that’s what I need. I think I need to shuffle up the status quo a bit so I can feel things again.---------------
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