I’ve told the world on social media, so I might as well post it here as well. I’m getting a divorce.
Ouch, those words suck to type even though I’ve typed them many times in the past couple of months. I don’t really want to air my dirty laundry here, and frankly it isn’t anyone’s damn business, but what I can say is that I’m going through the painful experience of finding out that my partner of 8 1/2 years doesn’t love me romantically anymore. And I found this out with a 8 month old beautiful baby in my life, so I’m facing all sorts of absolutely terrifying, devastating, and nerve-wracking changes in my life.
Next month, I’m moving to my own place with Henry. It’s a super cute 3 bedroom 1.5 bath townhome in a really wonderful family-friendly area of San Diego. I’ve gotta find new childcare arrangements as well, because his current place is a bit too far of a drive. I need to rehome my Boxer, Krogan, because this townhome isn’t friendly to big dogs (and frankly, I can’t handle the stress of dealing with him and his issues while also being a primary parent to a baby). We listed our awesome house for sale, my happy place, and we’re closing on August 8th. My horse is for sale and is going through a vet check this week for a potential buyer. There’s almost nothing staying constant in my life except my love for Henry. It’s just about the biggest table flip I can think of. All this 8 months after I lost my beautiful dog to lymphoma.
But, despite all of this, I’m trying really hard to stay positive. I am looking at this as a new beginning, not an end. I’m afraid of what it feels like to be alone, because I’ve always had a significant other in my adult life. I’m kind of looking forward to figuring out who I am when I’m not with someone else. I’m sad about the fact that meeting someone new will be all but impossible, since I’m home with a child all the time. I’m worried about budgeting and paying all my own bills. I’m afraid of parenting Henry during the more challenging times by myself (sleep regressions, sickness). I’m saddened by the thought of not raising Henry in a two-parent household, and I’m still shocked that this is even happening.
I have lots to say, and I’m still debating starting a whole new blog. Part of me wants to stay here and keep this history. Part of me thinks a new beginning for my life should start with a whole new blog beginning. But I’m not working on dieting, I’m soon to not be a horse owner anymore. HungryHorseGirl doesn’t really define me anymore.---------------
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